George W. Bush's 25 Things

My Fellow Americans,
I hope you're all settling in nicely to the new administration. I miss the times we shared - the laughs, the tears, and most of all, the honor I felt representing such a proud people every single day. To stay in touch with the American people, my daughter Jenna told me I should write a note with 25 things about myself for something called the facebook. I'll try anything once.

1. Girls always told me I was the most handsome Bush boy. Jeb is still jealous.

2. One told me she liked my big bushy eyebrows best - maybe cause my name is Bush? That's funny.

3. Should I get eyebrow implants? They're looking a little thin.

4. What about hair dye, America?

5. Jenna just told me that facebook doesn't mean I'm supposed to talk about my face.

6. I used to love sitting on poppa's lap riding a mower around our yard in Houston.

7. A couple of Mexicans take care of my lawn now. I offer them chips and salsa because it makes them feel at home.

8. I'm starting a speaking tour soon. What should I say?

9. 9/11.

10. Remember when Al Gore kept talking about that lockbox?

11. 9/11.

12. I still wear the flight suit sometimes.

13. I miss waking up so close to my office. Now I have to go downstairs.

14. John Kerry forgot Poland.

15. Obama is 800 billion dollars in debt in three weeks, and I was a bad president?

16. Back to my face - The first time I noticed that I had crow's feet was when I caught my reflection in the window as I flew over the devastation in the Gulf Coast.

17. It was horrible.

18. Dick Cheney doesn't have my new phone number. Shhhhh.

19. Enduring Iraqi freedom is the foundation upon which the potential for Democratic societies in the volatile Middle East must be built.

20. Ditto Afghanistan I hear.

21. I'm gonna need a trip to Camp David before I finish all these.

22. Oh. Right.

23. What about a Dave and Busters (George and Laura's?) instead of a presidential library?

24. Laura cuts up my pretzels for me now.

25. I'm sorry.