Bygone

Bygone

We talked about
opening an old-timey gym

Strength cables and jump ropes
would sit in milk crates by the door

The weights would be globed
at the end of unlabeled bars

The exercise bikes would
have a giant front wheel

Medicine balls would be
everywhere

For wardrobe, we would require unitards
preferably with stripes
as well as handlebar mustaches and
stiff hair slathered in pomade

What about the ladies?

Well, there's a row of domed hair dryers
in the lobby

But shouldn't you go home
and put the roast in the oven?

I mean, we're going for
authenticity here.

We Like Ike.

To a Twenty-Two-Year Old, New to the City (Part One)

I

Thy first bedroom shall be walk-through
but the fire escape thy sanctuary
Thou shalt crank A Tribe Called Quest
from tinny speakers
and drink High Life from a bottle at sunset
waiting for friends to yell from below
to join thee in summer eve's merriment

From thy roof, thou shalt see all of
Brooklyn laid out before thee
The F train winding up the hill
toward Smith-Ninth Station
Manhattan and Jersey City sparkling
Lady Liberty peeking above the BQE

One too-imbibed midsummer's night
thou shalt sleep on thy roof
Dawn will find thee dirty, groggy, cold
Let thy view warm thy soul

Thou shalt splash thy face, tie thy hair back,
and ride the M train to Queens
Rumble over Bushwick and peer through
acid-etched windows
and remember all that thou hast

Love Poem From One Monster Truck to Another

I watched you
Perched on the mound
Motor purring
Shaking on your haunches

It reminded me
of the time we were in Nashville
The Meineke Car Care
WRECKFEST

You showed that little Escort
what a Monster can do
His dash smashed into his wheel base
Oil and wiper fluid staining the dirt

And I know it’s just our job
I know we envy their lot
Their highway-to-garage lives
Saturdays wiped and buffed
at the car wash downtown

But the look in your eyes
The passion for destruction
Made me believe that for you
it was about more

Than the applause
than the flashbulbs
than putting on a show

And I wanted you to drive next to me
Put your little door handle in mine
Ram the daylights out of the non-believers
The Tauruses, the Camrys, the Neon’s of the world

And know that when you Rev
You Rev for us all
All of us big-wheeled beauties
Longing for that perfect crush

Meet me in Memphis
at SUPER SLAM 2
I’ll show you the crushing
we were meant to do

George W. Bush's 25 Things

My Fellow Americans,
I hope you're all settling in nicely to the new administration. I miss the times we shared - the laughs, the tears, and most of all, the honor I felt representing such a proud people every single day. To stay in touch with the American people, my daughter Jenna told me I should write a note with 25 things about myself for something called the facebook. I'll try anything once.

1. Girls always told me I was the most handsome Bush boy. Jeb is still jealous.

2. One told me she liked my big bushy eyebrows best - maybe cause my name is Bush? That's funny.

3. Should I get eyebrow implants? They're looking a little thin.

4. What about hair dye, America?

5. Jenna just told me that facebook doesn't mean I'm supposed to talk about my face.

6. I used to love sitting on poppa's lap riding a mower around our yard in Houston.

7. A couple of Mexicans take care of my lawn now. I offer them chips and salsa because it makes them feel at home.

8. I'm starting a speaking tour soon. What should I say?

9. 9/11.

10. Remember when Al Gore kept talking about that lockbox?

11. 9/11.

12. I still wear the flight suit sometimes.

13. I miss waking up so close to my office. Now I have to go downstairs.

14. John Kerry forgot Poland.

15. Obama is 800 billion dollars in debt in three weeks, and I was a bad president?

16. Back to my face - The first time I noticed that I had crow's feet was when I caught my reflection in the window as I flew over the devastation in the Gulf Coast.

17. It was horrible.

18. Dick Cheney doesn't have my new phone number. Shhhhh.

19. Enduring Iraqi freedom is the foundation upon which the potential for Democratic societies in the volatile Middle East must be built.

20. Ditto Afghanistan I hear.

21. I'm gonna need a trip to Camp David before I finish all these.

22. Oh. Right.

23. What about a Dave and Busters (George and Laura's?) instead of a presidential library?

24. Laura cuts up my pretzels for me now.

25. I'm sorry.

Seventh Avenue

When it rains
on the corner of 130th street
The water level rises to meet the curb
Floods over the edge

Men wearing jackets caked in dirt
Trudge through the puddle
Pushing refrigerators onto the sidewalk
New appliances for a new condominium

I try to follow their lead
but my shoe has a leak
and cannot keep all the water
at bay

I can't seem to miss the flood
completely